This is a kinda sad blog post for me to be uploading, however I feel it to be necessary. I swore to myself that when starting this blog that whilst being true to myself and my experiences, I would keep my blog a positive outlet, a positive experience for others. However this week I find that rule hard to abide by. I have been in a funk. you may or may not have noticed that my social media upkeep has dropped dramatically and that my last blog post seemed to be a many many weeks ago. Today I want to talk a little bit about my experiences over the past few weeks. Don't worry, every day has not been a struggle. I have had many amazing experiences over the past few weeks but I have felt some sort or internal struggle. And today I want to deal with it the only way I know how, to talk about it, to share it and to get it in writing.
This entire New York experience continues to be a medley of contradiction. Whilst being everything I ever wanted and more, I have struggled emotionally and physically to push through the tough times. I write constantly on here about changing things to a positive outlook, however have always commented on those statements that it is always easier said than done. These past three weeks have been one of those moments where it has been easier said than done to try and find a positive spin on things. Without sharing the finer details of what I have been struggling with I completely understand that I my struggles and how I am feeling are minuscule to what others go through or that people are experiencing in light of the recent election. However in my little internal kingdom I have found I am losing the battle.
I am someone who very much likes to have their ducks in a row. I will spend minutes, hours and weeks planning everything coming up in my life so that it is "ready-to-go", however these past three weeks I have felt that my ducks have take a vacation. I've felt very much out of control in terms of emotional triggers and how I cope with certain environments or situations. As we approach my favourite time of year I feel overwhelmed but excited with the prospect of BLOGMAS and the future of NevNYC. However teamed with my graduate year at college and the sporadic New York lifestyle I've struggled with my time management and ensuring everything is to the standard I set myself. I have missed blogging weekly but have stood in front of a creative "dam".
So. Now what?
Well, even now as I write this, I feel a weight shift from my shoulders, I find the fuzzy and cloudy mindset I am in right, begin to find some clarity. I reflect with admiration but I look forward with hope and determination. This works for me today, and hey, you know what? It might not work next time, and that is okay. Why? Because it is always alright in the end.
I look forward to pushing forward with NevNYC and getting back into what I really enjoyed about doing the blog itself, most importantly I look forward to sharing it with you all.